you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
