i jhust puked up my retainher.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
