Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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