I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
