I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
