I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't deserve a penis
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
