Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
