the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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