i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
