as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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