all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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