I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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