I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
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And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
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I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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