Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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