I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
