I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
