So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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