haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
