Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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