I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
