so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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