So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
