Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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