what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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