i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
as a side note pls kill me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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