Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
