He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
