I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
