He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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