Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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