I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
