Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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