apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
