Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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