i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
