I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
