escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
