Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
