Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
