What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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