8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just google imaged poop.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
