I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
