I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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