I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
