my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
