tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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