Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
