that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
