i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
