dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
