I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
even my farts smell like vagina
In America we eat man semen.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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