I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
