you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You left your phone here
Wait...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
