Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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