is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
