Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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