Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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