Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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