It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
