Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
