So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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