I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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