You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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