She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
