the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
