like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
